I take a deep breath. Yes. I am still alive.

I take a long step. No. It was too far.

Sometimes I get tossed around like a piece of rubbish by what people say – especially if it is something I have overlooked or left unfinished.

When I was young, it was easy to push away and forget it. But when you are in someone else’s country, someone else’s backyard, someone else’s life, every little fine detail can be a heart break for someone.

Last blog entry was my realization I cannot really do anything right – in the sense there is no solid problem to the big picture, and every thing is a structure, so if I don’t set my foundations properly, everything will crumble.

I gotta stop rambling on.

——————————————–

So I was going to hold it in – act like an adult. But I can’t – I am so happy.

Today, I finally, after putting almost close to three months of investing money into it, time into it, blood and sweat (dang nose bleeds from not sleeping well), walking around for days to look for a supervisor, external funding (finally running into SFD literally RIGHT at the end), brutal near 30-hour flight, adjusting to new time zone/weather/environment/virus (got sooooo sick near the beginning at the trip from a cold – with fever), getting ripped apart at the Research Ethics Board meeting, getting ripped off of everything I paid for in the beginning, going through a slump of feeling down from lack of confidence, exercise, protein (don’t think my body is used to eating proteins other forms other than red meat), not knowing entirely how to finish my work, leaving loose ends, going through up and down with feelings and emotions…what was I talking about? Anyways.

Today, I finally saw a classroom full of kids. Watching my supervisor teach the children with the tools that me and him spent hours, days,months…no not months, I only been here for a month…

Oh right, stay on topic.

I AM HAPPY.

I celebrated by cooking up a instant Korean noodle that I bought (the most expensive instant noodles I will have in my life – since it is ‘imported goods’) and having some Kimchi in it.

I look at the boxes of result now, and I feel like it’s not work anymore. It is more than work – it could change the world – it could show the world the WORTH these children have – the INTELLIGENCE – the COMPASSION in them – the ENTHUSIASM – the LOVE – the CARE…

Before I unpack the data and start working again, I look back, sit down…or lay down on bed, and write another blog post.

—————————————————————————–

My supervisor said to me today -

“You gotta learn to work the system, and not let the system work you,” as he passed around some paper work to be photocopied to the admin staff around him.

I laughed initially. But I realized at that moment, me standing there, was not a coincidence. If you take life with the little you can rake with your arms, you will get everything within your reach. But you receive help, hold other people’s hands that are offering you help, you rake in so much more than what you ever will.

—————————————————————————————-

Learn. Find your passion. Connect your passion and life. Connect your compassion, drive, the child holding the leftover piece of chicken bone that was picked up from the garbage pile from the fast food joint, and see what you can achieve.

Sing a song, laugh a little, shed a tear, clench your teeth, and move forward.

Focus – work hard – have fun in the storm – because it’s not what you come out at the end as – it’s the smile on a child’s face that is asking what your name is.

—————————————————————————————-

I sound like as if I’m done my time here, the hardest part is coming up. Presentations – 30 page report – cramming everything – new school year.

Lots of more paperwork. Lots of confusion, working with numbers, more criticisms by REB committee, more sleepless nights, more joy.

I got to see 42 smiling faces of children today. That’s all I needed – just to see I can help a child show his or her TRUE WORTH in this world and make a bigger impact than I could ever make.

Ah back to reality – back to work…after a celebration dinner.

Celebration Dinner.

Kimchi and instant Korean noodles. Yay!

Category: India, On location // 1 Comment »